So we are in full force of the relocation plan. House is for sale, pre-qualified, found a new California job. But we are in the middle of this plan.
Which means the kids are in Seattle, with Rod. Rod is working up there, and Alex is still in school. Willow is being watched by Ann. Unless I have a place for them to come to, they are all up there till the house sells. So I'm by myself. I suspect most mothers would be having a really difficult time. I'm not, and I'm feeling a little guilty because of that.
I had a hard time transitioning into Motherhood, 8 years ago. (I've had a harder time becoming a wife, but that's a whole different topic) When Alex was little and I was still in Sac, his dad had him 50% of the time, so there were 3 nights a week where I got to be me, just Laura, before I became a mom again. It worked out great. Most women are suprised that by the age of 3 or 4 months old, Alex was away from me at three nights at a time. ME? I didn't blink an eye.
My harder times came when we moved to Seattle and I had Alex everyday, all the time. Only leaving to see his dad on holidays and summers. That's a whole lot of kid, when you were used to a weekly break. Now I've said this before but I'm absolutely the worst domestic goddess you've seen. I hate cleaning, I hate cooking, really hate making dinner and having to think up something every night, which is why my kids get so much pre-packaged food, they are probably never going to decompose. But with the 24/7 mommy-ness, I got frumpy and more miserable.
Although so many other factors contributed to my mental depression while in Seattle, not having anything that resembled the Old Laura was rough. I started really resenting my choices. Toss in an extra baby, and it got pretty bad. (but I'm SO GLAD I had her)
So there's a mom break during this relocation. I've been calling it a Mom-cation. Most moms would miss their kids. And I do, but not with any gusto. I've been seeing friends, eating lite, never drive-through, I PUT MAKEUP ON! And DO MY HAIR....nearly every day! I'm getting my nails done and going to the gym. I look good, and I'm feeling good. And the amount of good sleep I'm getting is staggering. That old woman that was in the mirror is slowing shaping back into the vibrant Old Laura I knew!
And I'm not even done! So many more things I want to do.
But I have kids. They are coming back. I SHOULD miss them. And I do - I miss them. I adore them, and I love them. But I don't miss the Mom Lifestyle. 8 years of not getting to be me, is taken it's toll, and I like finding myself again. (Let's not get into the guilt I have that I've left Rod with 100% of the parenting duties, I owe him the world, he deserves it.)
2 comments:
Wow!! I love your post because it's so honest and not many moms are willing to admit things that they probably should. It's healthy. I'm pretty sure when I have kids I'll post something similar on my blog. And, I think that's why I like you so much!! Because you can tell it like it is and give those of us an inside perspective into another truth about mommyhood. Thank you for that! I'm sure you're enjoying life right now.....where is this Laura that I'd like to see again?? :-) We're moving to Redwood City in June!!! And, CONGRATS on the new job! You know I'll be visiting... :-)
Hell yes sister! I'm considering a position that will take me away, like, AWAY to the other side of the country for a minimum of 5 months. Just that alone makes the job appealing.
I can be away from my kids and know that I love them and they love me. And yes, your man rocks for being the badass partner you need him to be :-)
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