AAAAAAAAAAACHHHHOOOOOOOOO!

I'm sick.

I'm going to whine.

Most people know I adore my children, but I detest the job of parenting. I think the thing you don't realize as a new mom is the lack of time for yourself. But you happily give it up, you don't do your hair much, you can't find time to exercise, and if you are like me, you have to brush your teeth at work, because making a healthy lunchbox in the morning for your child goes above having fresh breath on the bus ride to work.

Being sick is one of the things that change. And it's one thing I miss the most. I miss being sick, you say? No, I don't want to be sick. I want to be able to rest and recover when sick.

I miss being so sick, that I'm stuck in bed or on the couch, sneezing wheezing and blowing my nose. Kleenex crumpled up all around me, and wrapped in a toasty blanket.

That sounds like a wonderful VACATION now. I haven't been able to take a day for myself, by myself, alone in my house....in years and years. And I'm sure it will more then a decade before I get to again.

There are people at my house. Even if Alex is at school, or Rod is at work, there's still the baby, nanny and my mother in law at the house. I desperately wish they all just go away and take the responsibilities with them. I want a day - just ONE full day - to myself. I want to take a nap, I want to just lay down. I'm sick dammit - I don't want to see any of you!

Nope. I'm still a mom. I still must go to work, take care of kids, make lunches and dinners, help with homework, baths, bedtime, read books etc...every day - no break. And when you get sick - I think a new mom is slapped in the face then. That's when they realize...it's not your life anymore.

I think when Willow goes to pre-school I can take a day - because I can drop her off, drop Alex off at school and then have the daytime to myself. But how I miss being in bed, rolling over, grabbing the phone , saying I'm sick to work, and just going back to bed. Even with the kids out of the house - I'm still a mom who has to get them both ready and out the door, drive them somewhere before ever getting to go back home and to bed, nothing gets to be simple anymore.

Am I the only 36 year old out there who is really looking forward to retirement just so I don't have to take care of anyone anymore? Just me? I look forward to my days blurring together. I think I'll just sleep the first year of retirement. Then maybe I'll travel the world.